I made an employee cry. Sort of by accident. Sort of on purpose. He had ticked me off. He was out of line. In retrospect, I realize I wanted to let him know not to mess with me.

I was an experienced HR manager. I received a snarky email from an employee. He was responding to a message I had sent out to all organization members. The topic was a hot button for him. He twisted my words, put in it an email and copied his boss and a few more people.

What he didn’t know is that he had now pressed one of my hot buttons. That’s when someone twists my words deliberately to make me look stupid.
<h3>Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself</h3>
During this same time period I was training managers on how to talk to their employees. I was training them specifically on how to ask questions before jumping to conclusions.

I distinctly remember thinking I <em>could</em> apply that approach with this employee. But he was so out of line, this was an exception. He needed to pay a price. As you can imagine, I ended up paying a price too.
<h3>I Rued The Day</h3>
I set up a meeting with him to discuss the topic at hand. I basically told him that it was my prerogative to make the decision I shared in that message. I didn't owe him an explanation.

I didn't leave it there though. I don’t know what else I said to escalate the situation. I'm probably blocking it out. I do know that when I left his face was so red it looked like his head was going to explode.

His boss called me soon after. She asked me what I did to make her employee cry. She said she had never seen him that way before.

My boss called me and asked me what I did. He told me to leave the man a message apologizing and then avoid talking to that employee from now on. The employee thought the HR manager had it out for him. That is not anything a leader wants to hear, especially when it is earned.
<h3>I Was Not A Leader That Day</h3>
I had called myself a leader, but I was not a leader that day. Upon reflection, it felt like something else had taken over my good sense. On the other hand I knew what I was planning, and I did it anyway. I guess that is the power of a deeply rooted button, when pushed.

This got my attention, especially with his boss’s and my boss’s response. I respected them and they were telling me to back off. How I wish I could take it back. But the damage was done, irreparably. I am so sorry that employee was in the position to be the target of my very bad judgment that day.
<h3>A Leadership Lesson Paid Forward</h3>
Several years later I was training a group of managers on leadership skills. We were talking about values, about your own vision for yourself as a leader, and the importance of self-awareness.

I found myself telling the story of the day I made that employee cry on purpose. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I wondered if I had made a mistake with being so transparent.

I told them the story because I wanted them to understand that a leader can't afford to be self-indulgent, like I was. We also need to keep in mind how employees view our perceived or real authority. It is up to us to be super conscious of not abusing the privilege of a title.
<h3>Being Up Front Pays Off</h3>
We completed that day’s training session. One participant who had been hanging back came up to me. She said she had been apprehensive and wondered if the training was just a bunch of platitudes. She wondered if the trainers had real world experience. She said that after she heard that story from me, she was ready to take me seriously.

I think that's the day I could begin to truly claim the role of leader, by being willing to confidently admit that mistake, how I learned from it, and to publicly share my experience as a cautionary tale.