Erin,

Thank you for saying so eloquently what so many wish to express.  As for your green beret friend, I suppose he's no more qualified to guide others on the principals of character based leadership than you are qualified to lead a platoon into combat (I assume!).  Leadership is abstract and relative, it takes many forms, and even a thought leader is a leader still.

A few years ago, I came up with this thought on what makes a leader:

"Standing at the front of the line does not make one a leader.  Leadership must be, to some degree, the art of dissent.  Only by challenging the conventional and approved, and convincing others to do the same, can one truly be deemed a leader.  to merely be the first to get in line and have others walk behind you, in a direction determined by someone else, is not the act of leading.  It is, rather, an indication that one has achieved nothing more than being the first to follow."

Consider an orchestra conductor:  Does the conductor lead the orchestra, or follow the music?