Thanks for a very thought provoking post. As a leadership coach I certainly agree that knowing ourselves and showing ourselves with skill is fundamental to great leadership whilst at the same time your thoughts raise questions for me such as:

When raising children how do we balance withholding judgement with teaching right from wrong.
When we get to know our selves, and choose how we want to behave, don't we largely do this through feedback of one kind or another, including other peoples responses?

For example, If someone is upset by something we say, don't we use that feedback (that judgement that what we said was unacceptable or hurtful) to decide how we will conduct ourselves in future?

Julie