Great post Mary!

Your post caused my brain to flash pictures of people and situations like the leader you described.  There is a huge difference between being able to drive a result through fear and intimidation and being able to influence a result through great leadership.

The first destroys people, organizational health and eventually organizational growth.  The second builds all of those things.

You ended your post asking how we avoid leadership self-deception:
1.  Having clear core values.
2.  Taking time to reflect and own, and adjust behavior as needed.
3.  Constantly investing in personal growth.
4.  Inviting feedback from others.