Mary, this post is a great discussion starter. I think all managers can benefit from thinking about this topic.

Some managers (and employees) have a strong need to be liked. They make their decisions out of that need, sometimes erring toward the popular solution instead of the right solution. It's much easier and more fun to work with people we like and who like us. It's important, though, to think long-term. Sometimes, a "tough love" talk or an unpopular decision is the best course of action and the kindest thing to do--even if it results temporary relational discomfort.

That said, managers can take a tough stance too far -- by dictating instead of listening, by thinking results are more important than relationships. Deep down, I think these "tough" managers want to be liked, too, and may not recognize they are losing the benefit of their employees' ideas and motivation.

I agree with you: "everything in moderation."

Being likeable at work doesn't mean being "pals" with everyone. It comes from being fair...being seen as a good listener who takes a variety of viewpoints into consideration...being viewed as someone who cares about the "whole" employee (respects work/life balance, wants to see employees grow professionally, etc.). If these things are in place, a manager can make tough calls, confront performance problems, produce great business results and still remain likeable.

Thanks for this thought-provoking post.