Hi, Mary - another interesting post about a very important issue for all of us.

Let's blame it on our parents ... I know mine were always telling me not to act "uppity", which included any outward show of talent or ability.  While they were no doubt proud of me, they also came from environments (different countries, but similar backgrounds) where people were expected to fit in quietly and not make waves or draw attention to themselves.

Genetics won in my case and I have spent much of my life craving the attention and reinforcement that they thought improper.

Let's also blame the "coaching mode" of some where cheerleading and empty slogans are substituted for specific and clear feedback.  I believe that even when helping someone improve, you can be encouraging, when you choose your words to help them learn, rather than punish them for doing wrong.

Of course, we ultimately cannot blame anyone or anything else, since we exercise complete control over what comes out of our mouths and how it comes out.   Your point about noticing something special about a person that they might take for granted is a great example of how we ought to interact with others, rather than the nitpicky and usually negative things some of us tend to notice.

My vote for most impacting statement:  "It’s not about compliments. It’s about noticing what is important to another person and offering a boost in that area."

Really liked this whole post, but that sentence above should be on posters in lunchrooms everywhere:)

John