Hi, Mary - great post and one that resonates personally for me.

I enjoyed the whole piece, but particularly liked your clear and useful presentation of those three discernment questions from your trusted advisor.   They seem to get right to the heart of what we need to consider honestly as we make decisions, especially whether to engage or not to engage.

The first question provides perspective.  We tend to consider things only from our own point of view.  As you mention, we ask what WE want from a situation, often not considering what the other person's goals or desires might be.

The second question is one of the best examples of when a "Yes or No" question is not only appropriate, but essential.  I find that many tend to concentrate on those very valuable open-ended questions, but sometimes you just have to choose and act.

That last question is, as you stated, "key".  This can be answered "yes" or "no", but it is definitely not a straight-forward or simple question.  I wonder about time frames here.  For example, I might be just fine and dandy right now with severing a relationship, due to the proximity or severity of what caused me to feel that way.  However, down the road, I might be less OK or even regretful.  While we cannot always know how consistent our decisions will be, this does seem to reinforce that one should think deeply before answering that last one:).

Thanks for an enjoyable and thought-provoking post ... of course, I  have grown to expect nothing less from you.

John