Excellent, Jane.  Thanks for writing such a clear piece on this.

I particularly like, "If the responses to these reflection questions create discomfort, good," and this too, "People being pleasant and personable make encounters more enjoyable. Yet there’s something superficial about it — a congenial exchange that happens at arm’s length, well-intentioned but not deeply committed."

Yes, being pleasant has its place. To truly mature, and deepen those relationships or values we claim commitment to, we need to get comfortable with discomfort, because it's inevitable.  Thank you for making that plain to readers.