<span style="font-weight: 400;">If your life was a silent film, could the people in the audience discern your influence?</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">How?</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">We leaders have become a communicative group. I just Googled “leadership,” and got 861 million hits. We’ve written books on leadership, blogs on leadership, articles on leadership, and white papers on leadership. We’ve talked about leadership in podcasts, radio interviews, TED talks, TEDx talks, and on TV. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">We diligently craft messages about leadership for every social media channel under the sun.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s good for us to do these things. We have knowledge and insights to share that make people’s lives better. I’m proud to be a member of and in service to this community.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">And –</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s also good for us to remember that the most powerful way to increase our own influence as leaders is through </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> talking.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">You increase your influence through </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">listening</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">The people who are most influential among the people they lead spend 80% of their time listening. This means that for every one-hour conversation you have, you spend 48 minutes </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> talking. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s easy to “commit” to being a better listener without making much progress. It’s more effective to commit to a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">specific way</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> of listening. Here are two ways you can keep that commitment and more easily reach your goal of listening 80% of the time in every conversation you have:</span>
<h3><b>1. Use Questions Effectively</b></h3>
<span style="font-weight: 400;">First, use open-ended questions that have many possible answers. “How did that work out?” “How did you feel when that happened?” Use closed-ended questions to get a precise answer, and then follow up with more open-ended questions. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Second, avoid “Why?” questions. They tend to make people defensive. If the person is describing something from the past, ask them what happened. If they’re suggesting an action, ask what they think will happen. Either way, you usually get the same kind of explanation that a “Why?” question would generate, but without the negative emotional response.</span>
<h3><b>2. Use Silence Effectively</b></h3>
<span style="font-weight: 400;">Silence is the source of acknowledgment, the presence of appreciation, and the genesis of connecting one with other human beings.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">After you ask a question, wait for silence before forming your next question or comment. Attune to what is being communicated to you. Don’t even think about what you should say next until you have first listened to what is being said and processed what you should say next during silence. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Allowing everyone to think during silence promotes discovery more than just jumping in with whatever question or comment comes to mind. If you wait and concentrate on what you’ve heard, you’re more likely to say something relevant and helpful. Getting comfortable with silence and using it properly will help you build relationships, trust, and influence.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Most Americans get uncomfortable when silence stretches on for more than a few seconds. Your conversation partner may be one of those people who need to jump right in and fill the silence. Allow it. Or, he or she may be much more comfortable with long silence than you are. You should practice being silent for long stretches to handle those situations.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Commit to spending less time drawing out your own insights and more time drawing out and exploring the insights of others. </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Strive to be more interested than interesting.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Increase your influence by saying less. After all, people are paying far more attention to what you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span>

&nbsp;

<span style="font-weight: 400;"><a href="http://leadchangegroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/TLS-Website-Photo.jpg"><img class="size-thumbnail wp-image-34479 alignleft" src="http://leadchangegroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/TLS-Website-Photo-150x150.jpg" alt="" width="150" height="150" /></a>Mark</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">Deterding, founder of Triune Leadership Services, helps leaders find soul-deep satisfaction in how they lead. Mark’s </span><a href="http://course.triuneleadershipservices.com"><span style="font-weight: 400;">online course</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> has supported leaders to increase earnings by 75% within 5 years. Mark is the author of Leading Jesus’ Way: Become the Servant Leader God Created You to Be and a popular </span><a href="http://triuneleadershipservices.com/blog/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">faith-based servant leadership blog.</span></a>