Mike,
I wrote a book chapter on "Learning from Failure," that is really (in retrospect) a construct for getting the most out of reflection. It echoes much of your wisdom here -- especially some of the thoughts on guilt (although I like your take on the potentially paralyzing impact of the emotion -- something I did not address). The chapter breaks "failures"  into three types:

1. Failures in what we do
2. Failures of who we are
3. Failures of who we want to be

And then urges people to push to the deepest level to reflect and learn. For instance, a coach might run on third down rather than pass, fail to get the first down, and then reflect that next time he needs to pass (level one). But the real lesson may be that he is risk averse (level two).

It's nothing novel. Kind of a single loop vs. double loop learning construct -- but with numerous stories and examples.

It's in the book Leadership Lessons from West Point -- or I'd be happy to shoot you (or anyone else) my original document if you send me an e-mail (doug@bluerudder.net).

Good stuff. Thanks!
.-= Doug Crandall´s last blog ..What it means to lead… =-.