Hi, Amy - very interesting post:)

I found my head nodding in agreement as I waded through your all-too-accurate description of the ways in which we sabotage ourselves through our reaction to feedback.   We reject it or take it too seriously, we agonize when what others think does not sync with our self-perceptions, and generally do not take full advantage of the learning that is there to be had.

I think your summary message of "having it all" by opening up to feedback and being accepted for yourself is great, if hard to accomplish sometimes in real life.

The point about being curious about feedback is a very important element of all this, in my opinion.  I have been blogging more often about curiosity, because it keeps popping up as a key component of leadership, coaching, learning, and relationship-building.

When next I receive feedback, I am going to consciously try to ask myself "Hmm, wonder why they say this about me?", instead of my more normal responses of "How dare they say that about me!" and "They know my secret and I am destroyed".

What I have already done has to do with being a training manager and facilitator for much of my professional life.  We are more often talking, as you are doing quite nicely, about how we respond to feedback, but I think how we ask for that feedback is equally important.

It strikes me that feedback in an individual management or coaching context is a somewhat different animal than that for group meetings, training workshops, and the like.

I have become more adept at designing and analyzing questions and questionnaires which remove the personal and focus on objective and balanced measurement of attitudes, reactions, and perceptions around learning events, along with the impact of the training.

This started in earnest after a particularly difficult meeting, where a president insisted that we had failed in our attempts to boost the skill level of a group based on one very negative, very long and somewhat rambling criticism.   In her mind, the words of the one outweighed shorter and calmer, but more positive statements by others, along with a hefty curve toward excellence on the quantitative side.

Well, you certainly have my thinking going this morning ... thanks!

John