Thank you for a great title Mary!  I am a fairly new senior supervisor and was fortunate enough to have a mentor that shared your views!  I learned from him that the sharing of information, perspective and views are just that.  The inference from the receiver is the negative side, the defensive wall and what, as human being, we easily react to.    My mantra has been to "put it on the table for discussion and do with the the right intent, not to humilate, hurt or attack, but to help, grow and open a mutually respectful relationship."
This was a lesson learned by me when, at my wits end with an employee who had performance issues and was not ameniable to making any necessary changes, I simply stopped my 'constructive feedback', closed my notebook, put down my pen and leaned forward to ask "You don't trust me, do you?"  The shift in response was huge, and we started making steps towards a mutally respectful working relationship.
Diana