Mary,
Wonderful post. I just had an epiphany about a recent exchange that was oddly incomplete. It felt that information was being deliberately withheld and I couldn't imagine why. Then I realized that the other person had so much more to lose than did I, and I was the one in control of this particular situation. I relaxed and felt great empathy for the other. Suddenly I knew there was so much more space for everything to work out favorably for everyone.

A more hidden aspect of this was that the other person had not long ago been sorely disappointed by the outcome of many months of faithful effort. When I thought about how that must have felt, I was even more motivated to allow the most appropriate and magnanimous outcome for our situation. It is still unfolding but I am completely confident we will both be enriched.

Thank you for airing this issue and sharing your story. We can't always soften people who are frustrated in their work but we can usually summon some kind of breeze of kindness in the room.