Hi, John - very interesting post:)

I really enjoyed the entire essay, especially the step-by-step approach to clearly illustrating how to approach the sometimes delicate task of clarifying expectations.

One phrase that really stands out for me is when you said "If they react emotionally, remember that asking questions to understand the meaning or source of their emotions is one of the easiest ways to defuse their defensiveness. "

Too often, I think we react to emotional responses by attempting to defend what we said that spurred the emotional response, which does not usually help the situation.

We also tend to assume that we know why they reacted as they reacted, but emotions are more complex than visible behavior.  We can easily see a person's face get red and hear the tone of their voice.  Understanding why the red face and the angry tone is a whole other issue.

Your wise counsel to focus on questions (possibly the single most valuable tool in a leader's toolkit) and try to find out why a person is reacting is gold, in my opinion.

I always appreciate your thoughts and words - thanks for continuing to share them with us.

John