Hi, Mike - excellent post and I enjoyed your analogy of cars, roads, and purposes.

Your three focus areas are essential to create healthy and strong relationships.  I particularly believe that the second element, of engagement rather than withdrawal is key.  You are absolutely right that we tend to avoid conflict, which is why we have so darn many hallway conversations in muted tones after important meetings and sessions.

I think power differentials play a role in this, but if we are to truly lead, we have to display the courage to engage, even when it might cost us.  Energy indeed comes from engagement, but sometimes we also have to use our energy to create that engagement (not to go all "chicken or egg" on you:).

Very useful and powerful post, Buddy:)

John